Month: July 2005

  • Not A Moment To Lose

    On slow days, The Avengers would slip roofies in Wanda’s cola and take turns playing “hide the enchanted mace”. Please note our silver-hair speedster, about to cop a feel on his own sister Peitro, you are one sick bastard.

  • Go On, Touch It.

    Years from now, in therapy, little Timmy would break down sobbing about the day a Norse God came to school and made him “touch his mighty hammer.” The eager-beaver who’s next in line is probably Rick “body slave” Jones. Look at Cap, watching and waiting to join in!

  • The Vision and Scarlet Witch Get Freaky!

    Little known fact – during their marriage, Wanda and The Vision were into bondage… and other things. “Strike at number Two”, eh? Freaaaak-ay.

  • Um, Mr. Man-Bat, Sir?

    Gee, Man-Bat… If you’re so concerned about your child’s welfare, then maybe you shouldn’t be flying around with him unsecured like that? One sharp turn and it’s bye-bye baby.

  • Daredevil’s Not The Only Blind Man in the MU!

    Why is Starfox asking a blond man about green hair? Doesn’t that seem… odd? To put it in context, the colorist apparently “forgot” that Doc Samson has green hair… but only for that one page, except for the last panel, when he “remembered”. Sigh. Context kills the funny. EDIT: Forgot to mention one other amusing…

  • Bat Arresting Development.

    So what’s the difference between regular arrest and bat-arrest, you ask? Bat-arrest has a mandatory cavity search.

  • Now You’re Just Making Stuff Up, Batman!

    “A Penguin Never Forgets” is an “old saying”, is it? Methinks someone’s been huffing the Bat-spray paint…

  • Ah, “Relevant” Comics!

    Such… realistic dialogue, don’t you think? The best part is the follow up, where Monica Lynn is shocked that the Black Panther is indeed, black. Wow, the king of an African Nation that has never been conquered is black. What are the odds?

  • Seriously, I Would Have Killed Him Too.

    That’s right Wanda. Now go bake me a pie, woman! And people wonder why she singled out Clint Barton.

  • No Wonder Wanda Went Bad

    I wouldn’t be that smug and flippant with someone who could hurl hex bolts, myself.

  • Rick Jones: Boy Toy!

    That Rick Jones, what a cool character. A teenage boy who hangs out with men in spandex (or torn purple pants, in the Hulk’s case). Yes, I don’t think there’s a hero in the MU who hasn’t spent “quality time” with ol’ Rick. Even the bad guys know about Rick’s reputation and can’t resist taking…

  • Cap and Iron Man are Special Friends

    “I must have you Tony!” “At least let me get a can opener first, man!”

  • The Michael Jackson of the Superhero Set

    What disturbs me the most here is that the rest of the Avengers don’t seem to blink an eye at the fact that Cap apparently has young boys over to the mansion a lot.

  • Taking It Like a (Giant) Man

    “Cap, are you SURE this is how you always trained with Bucky?”

  • An Odd Burning Sensation

    I give you one of the original Masters of Evil and arch-foe of the Invincible Iron Man, The Melter. Yes, run! Run from The Melter, the man with the corrosive pee!

  • Metamorpho Knows How to Treat a Lady

    Here we see Rex Mason in his abortive costume from his first appearance. With talk like that, is it any wonder Sapphire Stagg fell for him.?

  • Hard Up Heroes

    Hmmm… I have a hard time believing that either Zatanna or Supergirl are that hard up for a date.

  • Today on Science 101

    Ah for the days of the Satellite Era JLA! The camaraderie, the annual JSA/JLA team-ups, the roaring fireplace. Wait… The roaring fireplace? What kind of idiots would put a fireplace on a space-station? You just know one of the characters who can survive in space unaided dreamed this up, like Superman or J’onn. “Oh I…

  • The Hair Crimper of DOOM!

    Poor Richard Dragon. Batman gets The Joker, Two-Face, and Ras Al Gul. Superman gets Lex Luthor, Metallo, and the Parasite. Who does Richard get? Better watch out Richard, or he’ll muss that perfect hair of yours!

  • “His Hands Were So… Cold”

    Iron Man needs to learn to watch where he puts his hands: When called on his behavior, the Golden Avenger responded that Hawkeye was “asking for it. He was dressed like a little himbo, so I gave him what he wanted.” Hawkeye was severely punished for his actions.

  • On The Topic of Dinah Lance…

    While I’m thinking about it, was anyone else creeped out by the original, Pre-Crisis Black Canary/Green Arrow relationship? Dinah Sr loses her husband and comes to Earth-1, where Green Arrow starts pursuing her (and for a bit, so did Batman). Eventually, they get together – but then SHE dies and is replaced by her previously-not-known-to-exist…

  • Batman Gay? No Way.

    So, Batman’s gay, is he? Tell that to Dinah Lance Sr. Imagine if it had all worked out. Anytime Batman got too overbearing, Dinah Jr. would yell “Just because you married my mom doesn’t mean you get to boss me around!” Except, wait – Dinah Senior turns out to actually be Dinah Junior. That’s actually…

  • The Amazing Wayne Predicts The Future!

    Bruce Wayne has just walked in on Green Arrow sucking face with his secretary (a common problem in old comics, it seemns). What follows is NOT an example of Batman being a jerk, but reading this, I was struck by what a cool/accurate prediction it was. Why? Because after BC dumps Ollie, he DOES end…

  • “She’s Paralyzed With Surprise!”

    You’d be paralyzed too if Batman just got down on all fours and sniffed your crotch.