I’m noticing a common theme with some of these super-criminal gadgets.

This has to be the third or forth “super vibrator” or some variation thereof that I’ve clipped.

Clearly, criminals aren’t just a superstitious and cowardly lot; they’re also very, very lonely.

What happens when you dynamite Uranium?

“Also, we’ve all been exposed to high amounts of radiation, most likely rendering us sterile. In your case Karen, that’s a blessing for all humankind.”

If you do not know of the joy that is “Roy Raymond, TV Detective”, then you have my pity. Roy was a supposed genius who ran a “Believe it or Not!” type TV show called “Impossible… But True!,”. The basic gist is that someone would always try some sort of obviously faked scam and Roy, because he was the Smartest Man Ever, would then debunk it. Occasionally even his own cast and crew would try to pull a fast one on him.

I chose to see Roy not as a brilliant man, but a man of average intelligence stuck in a world of highly credulous idiots. particularly his girl-friday/love interest Karen,

By way of example…

“Yes Karen, that’s the amazing part. Not that a parrot can form full sentences at all, or that it can complete math equations, or even that it can somehow hold a stick of chalk in it’s wings despite a complete and utter lack of any kind of prehensile grip. That’s nothing. The amazing think is that it ‘speaks so well’. Why do I even keep your bigoted ass around?”

Open the bar, lads and lassies, J’onn does get around to using a one-shot power in this story!

That’s right, it’s Martian Cloudbank Electrification Vision!

How’s that for a mouthful?

Take a shot of something with a kick!

What’s wrong with this scenario, kids?

“And amazingly, I also brought an exact replica of the suit you’re wearing. Didn’t have a tie like yours though. Sorry.”

(Hey! No drinking! This is a power that’s stuck around. Booze-hounds.)

One has to wonder what the in-story reason would be for why he messed the tie up.

Batman and Robin are trying to track something down (I forget what. This is a post I lost that I’m re-writing. Poison, I think). The sole clue is a map with push-pins in different countries.

First, they go to Mexico.

“Gosh Batman, it sure is convenient that there’s apparently only one bull fighting arena in the entire country.”

“That’s because Mexico is a small place. Why, it’s only the 14^th largest country in the world.”

…

It’s not my fault, it’s J’onn’s!

Wow, “J’onn’s” just looks wrong…

Anyway, more powers!

Some kind of Martian Sonar, plus the ability to make other people invisible as well as intangible.

Take three shots of something transparent.

G-d knows these two didn’t make it in, anyway.

POISON DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!

NEITHER DOES LIGHT!

I imagine these guys running around Gotham shining flashlights on people and saying “Hah! Now you’re poisoned! Give us a grand for the antidote!”

What’s sad is, I imagine the average Gothamite paying…

I’m trying to figure out how this Martian power works.

Angle Vision? What does he do, bend the light waves?

Also, note the teleportation. That would have come in handy in past cases and would in the future. So of course, he never uses it.

Take two shots, preferably from an angular bottle

Wouldn’t you get sick of wearing the same outfit every night? I know I would.

Batman too.

Don’t listen to Robin, Bruce. The pink (oops, I mean “red”) brings out your eyes!