Ah Batgirl, you symbol of empowerment you.

“Pretty good for a girl? That was pretty good for Rambo!”

Her quip, by the way, was not in response to someone. She just says it. I guess when Batman’s not around to be a misogynist pig, she misses it.

As a follow-up to yesterday, Batman’s motive for killing Robin (over and over)

Frankly, he kind of had it coming.

“You bastards!”

Killing Robins is addictive though.

That’s not even a year later.

Don’t worry though. Batman doesn’t really shove Robin off a lighthouse. That’s just to draw the reader in. Opening it we see something completely different.

Much better.

Wait, what?

Everyone knows about Detective Comics 371, right? I’ve skipped the cover because it’s just so famous.

“This just in. Batman and Robin murdered. Batgirl mourns, buys all the black lip liner at Sephora.”

The first instance of “feminine vanity” seems off to me:

“As any girl will”? So what, a man would have fought blind? Let the only thing keeping their private ID from becoming public slide off? What would have been the “manly” thing to do here?

This also hurts my head. If she was falling arms-first, and then somersaulted backwards, shouldn’t she be landing back in the thick of things, instead of further away? And even if I have that wrong – they’re not that far off. Throw a stupid silken cord.

Getting back on topic… to be fair, Batman and Robin are actually nice to her about this:

Again with the “Instinctive Female Reaction”? I love how she’s beating herself up for being a silly girl, especially since I can’t figure out how anyone else would react differently.

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Never mind the question of where she hid the costume under when we see her bare legs… are you really telling me Batgirl’s tights are sheer? Oh… my.

And I’m not alone in thinking this.

This is the one redeeming thing about this story, that the “male reaction” ends up getting their asses kicked. So I guess it ends on an empowering note of sorts.

Still, you have to love how Robin is able to keep his mind on business, but Batman can’t.

“So… shapely. I feel… funny.”

I just want to point out the handy-dandy paypal button on the right-hand side. I hate cyber-begging, but we’ve got a major expense coming andanything would be helpful.

One issue later we get another odd story in the sense that just does not fit Batman at all.

Did you know that Bruce Wayne was victimized by a bully in his childhood? No. Really.

See, it all starts when Batman freezes up, letting a criminal escape:

Ten years old. Keep in mind in most versions his parents would be dead already.

“I mean sure, some guy killed my parents… but at least he never 3-6-9ed me!”

That’s right, in this story, it’s Bart’s bullying that gets Bruce buff, not the untimely murder of his parents.

Really.

Yup. He’s honed his body to perfection, fought serial killers and mad scientists, been on the run from the police as a vigilante, and created a person to strike fear in the heart of evildoers… but some kid once gave him a dead-arm while singing a chant and over a decade later he turns to pudding.

This story is never, ever mentioned again. Thank G-d.

Batgirl has a “special invention” on her Batcycle that defies physics.

Here’s the entire page.

That fizzing sound you hear would be your own synapses frying as you try to figure out even a half-assed explanation of how shining a multicolored headlight on a car would allow you to track it.

Also? That has to be the least stealthy way of following anyone ever.

Detective Comics #369 is one of the best comics ever. I mean that.

The awesomeness of this Robin tug-o-war is amplified by the fact that it actually occurs inside the comic:

“Rave-y”… indeed.

The story isn’t over yet!

Batman decides he’s coming on too strong and backs off a bit.

“It’s just a phase he’s going through. He’ll be back with me in no time.”

Now Bruce sounds like someone who caught her high school sweetie looking at the head cheerleader.

I can’t decide who the bigger arse here is: Dick for asking his “Ex” to drop him off on a “date”, or Bruce for thinking Dick would have to take leave of his senses to want to work with Batgirl.

Let’s read on…

Oh yeah, Robin is a douche.

Still, this drives home the point.

There, there Bruce. There will be other orphan boys to keep you company on those long, dark nights.

When playing model trains with Batman, don’t make fun of his fashion sense.

Such a tantrum.

I have this mental image of Batman teaching Robin to swim by throwing him in the deep end of the pool. In a straightjacket. With a shark in the water.

“Sorry chum, but it’s the only way you’ll ever learn!”