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Actual SCIENCE!

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009 @ 12:00 am | Bad Science, The Flash, What Were They Thinking

Actual bad science, but actual science none-the-less. I give you, The amazingly mundane secret origin of Jay Garrick, the Golden Age Flash.

For those who don’t know, Jay obtained his powers by inhaling fumes from a strange and mysterious substance. Well, no actually, fumes from a mundane, every day substance – “hard” water. This isn’t like radiation or even magnetism, hard water is pretty much an established thing with no known effects, and has been for, oh I don’t know, ever.

Apparently not in the DCU though.

“Science knows” nothing of the sort, Professor Pointybeard!

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LittlePig

So Jay can be defeated by the Culligan Man?

ILuvLA

Hmmmm... so much for the secret identity. The professor knows it ... the doctor knows it ... "Hey, guess what? This guy was exposed to hard water and ..."

"Two can keep a secret if one is dead."

HellRazor

If science knows that Hard Water can make you faster, just imagine what Hard Liquor can do.

Dr. Novakaine

I think the "Speed Force" was a better explanation. At least it was firmly rooted in fantasy, instead of trying to sound like it could be realistic.

Anderson

Professor Pointybeard could use some of that water to grow himself some neck and to stop the hospital room from changing colors.

madwoman

So, a quick dose of Downy and he would have been cured? Also, "swifter" is not a word, unless he's talking about dusting.

Wizard

"Swifter" is a perfectly good word; it's simply the comparative form of "swift". (Yeah, I actually looked this up, just to make sure: http://www.answers.com/swifter)

Naryldor

If only Ben Johnson had known about this back in 88 before doping himself...

Blurgle

He could have just moved to Calgary. The water's so hard there you can walk on it and not even be Christian.

sezaar

Wait he can think faster than a thought?

LilMaibe

Only thing faster than thought is bad reputation.

Naked Bunny with a Whip

This reminds me of that episode of Saved By the Bell where Jesse Quick got super speed by snorting diet pills. Or maybe the mineral water is affecting my memory.

sezaar

Science knows what this substance does to a person yet he still is a freak of science! It's like taking a medicine for a cold and if you're cured, your'e a freak of science!

How come no-one else uses it anyway?

Shiai

Good point. If it's that easy to accomplish, and science actually knows about it, why isn't everyone moving at Flash-speeds?

And for that matter, why hasn't gingold made everyone a human rubber band, like Ralph Dibny?

onion3000

Hard water = Ice

Dierna

I live in a region that has hard water.....I guess it would explain SOME people around here (like Apollo Anton Ono....who's super fast on ice... *lol*).....but apperantly the Hard Water origin was later retconned to Heavy Water (which in large doses is bad)......and the Heavy Water origin was later "Eh....inhaling the water woke up his X gene....he's really a mutant/metahuman...." *lol*

Shiai

Colonel Sanders there has just inadvertently let slip the secret ingredient in his 11 herbs and spices. Now Professor I'm-Out-Of-Moustache-Dye must be dealt with swiftly...and permanently.